I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well you can't waste a boner
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
