It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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