If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
