u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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