my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We need to get me chipped asap
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
