Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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