come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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