I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
