Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh god the rape fog is back!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
