Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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