Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
