Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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