i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
