All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
