i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
