I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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