She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
