I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
