hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
