She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
