ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
