I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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