Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
