His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
