so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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