So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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