i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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