Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
