Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
