walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize