come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
