I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
