Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
