Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
