So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
