There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
