So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
