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i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
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