Whod you bang
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..