too bad you live with your parents still
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be