i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
