I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.