is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What a dumb baby whore.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut