If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue