Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.