When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.