Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
