He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday