In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me