Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (40632) Bad night (2298)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I think I won the penis lottery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I think I won the penis lottery. http://tfl.nu/0aks
  Replies (33) Good night (5644) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever. http://tfl.nu/nvrl
  Replies (19) Good night (820) Bad night (6628)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner. http://tfl.nu/bzec
  Replies (9) Good night (4063) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not http://tfl.nu/pxco
  Replies (11) Good night (3038) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going? http://tfl.nu/wvih
  Replies (65) Good night (5119) Bad night (1574)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You are the reason we need health care reform

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger (708): You are the reason we need health care reform http://tfl.nu/m8x5
  Replies (55) Good night (3038) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves http://tfl.nu/kwdc
  Replies (28) Good night (5243) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up. http://tfl.nu/2z9h
  Replies (10) Good night (1963) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised. http://tfl.nu/d2m0
  Replies (5) Good night (1514) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head. http://tfl.nu/qs4d
  Replies (26) Good night (769) Bad night (1450)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one. http://tfl.nu/q8n4
  Replies (12) Good night (805) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/4fru
  Replies (20) Good night (2064) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD" (630): you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you http://tfl.nu/ztcf
  Replies (6) Good night (2132) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now http://tfl.nu/lp2e
  Replies (4) Good night (332) Bad night (550)

Randomize