But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?