I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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