Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
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We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.