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omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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