After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?