How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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