remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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