She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
even my farts smell like vagina
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
