I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
