im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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