It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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