like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
