Tell her she can't have a vagina
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
