You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
