Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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