so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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