You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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