I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
