K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
