Porn is love you can see.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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