is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
