i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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