we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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