I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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