Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
