I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
